I’ve just finished reading these two great articles that talk about the mentality of students attending elite schools, specifically Yale and Harvard. The crux of them both is that student education has taken a back seat to student entitlement and their impending success, post education but the articles also imply that many of the students can’t see the cage they, and the processes that got them there, have built around their world view. Largely that those who are here (at the institutions) have made it and now, with their unlimited credit of success, they just need to figure out where they should put all the booty. This is something that I have come across myself, the Invisible Cage of Belief. The set of ideas that limits the expectations and modifies the experience of our lives.

I always thought that the world was just how I saw it. That I was perpetually doomed to be a raiser of cats, doer of mundane work and payer of bills. Even though I could see that it was such a stupid idea to work five days, complain about work on the next two and repeat until I was 65 - I still signed up for it.

My life isn’t exactly ideal:

• Even though I don’t work 38 hour weeks, “I need a real job”.
• Even though I don’t do much on the weekends, “When will I get time to rest?”.
• Even though I bought a weird little house that suits me just fine, “I need a bigger house”.

And I felt BAD because I was having those thoughts.

My Invisible Cage of Belief was too small to hold me, but as my own jailer I was trying very hard to keep me in there. How did I get out? I went on holiday. A long holiday. To Europe, somewhere I have always wanted to go, but always managed to never make it.

It took me a long time to get to that point. I had to have weekends off from work. Then weekends away from home. Then a short holiday overseas, somewhere close but definitely out of mobile range. Then another short holiday slightly further away, for slightly longer, in a slightly more “backpacker” mode. And slowly, with the iron will of someone else’s expectations that people are allowed to go on holiday and a solid but quickly eroding belief that this was not the case, I made it out of the cage.

The first one was the hardest. It seems there are larger ones around it, like a Matryoshka doll, but with the knowledge that they exist and experience of what they feel like, escaping them seems to get easier.

I don’t know what those elite leaders of tomorrow are going to be like. I hope there will be some real human beings in the crowd. Some people who spent a lot more time tinkering with their inner workings than the outer workings of the world they want to take control of.

It’s easy for me to say this now, I can see the Invisible Cages of Belief I have escaped from. I’m looking forward to finding more.

After spending a reasonable amount of time trying to express how I feel about something I was unable to come up with The Right Sentence.  And while reading the response to the wrong sentence, it occurred to me that:

1. It is difficult enough to make an I statement about myself, but it is impossible to make one about someone else.
2. We are all at varying degrees of development the myriad of different facets of ourselves. Adulthood is a label conferred by others to allow them to treat you as they wish so that they might continue to believe that they themselves are adults.

In all of the challenges I face while continuing to remain alive - having to deal with other people is the hardest and most common point where I come unstuck. Why the hell do you people do those things and what’s wrong with doing it my way, really?

I admit that it would be better if we all just got along, but who really gets to decide what’s best for all of us? And until they can explain themselves in perfect Ben-language, how do I know that they know what they are asking? If communication is a two way street then not being understood means that I can’t possibly understand. Where do you go from there?

I’ve just finished watching this video about The Money System.

It’s jaw dropping.

We’re all on a giant pyramid scheme, hoping to find an extra layer of “members” to fill up our down lines. The horrible horrible thing is that the only people who can do that will be our children. And their children.

I understand that no one wants to deal with this problem unless they really really have to. Why remove the system that you know for one that you don’t, why remove a system that you might be winning in? Because you aren’t really winning. It will never stop. Paper isn’t very palatable and eventually there won’t be enough trees to pulp anyway. Digital bank balances are even more nutritionally deficient. What kind of revolution is going to be required to change the current system? Will the Peak Oil problem be the beginning of the purge?

It’s time. It’s time to cast a vote for ourselves.

What ARE we waiting for? I mean, seriously, when do you expect to actually stop working and live your life without owing more than you can possibly produce.

I need to get out of debt and then I need to start building The Bunker. Then, once I’m almost completely self sufficient, I’ll come visit the rest of you with $70 apples.

After my first visit to see Jeremy Hill at Essential Health I went back for a 2 month check-up and he was ecstatic with my results!

Body Composition	Current	Previous	Change
Ideal Weight (kg)	88.64	88.64
Weight (kg)	78	78
Skeletal Tissue (kg)	10.64	10.64
Ideal ECW (l)	17.73	17.73
Frame Size	Medium	Medium
Body Mass Index	20.51	20.51
Fat Mass
Fat (kg)	11.89	12.02	-0.13
Ideal Fat Mass (kg)	15.95	15.95
% of Total Weight	15.24	15.41	-0.23
% of Ideal Fat Mass	74.52	75.35	-0.83
Difference from Ideal (kg)	-4.06	-3.93	-0.13
Active Tissue Mass
ATM (kg)	36.58	35.87	0.71
Ideal ATM (kg)	44.32	44.32
% of Total Weight	46.89	45.99	0.9
% of Ideal ATM	82.53	75.35	7.18
Difference from Ideal (kg)	-7.74	-8.45	0.71
Fluid Balance
Total Body Water (l)	46.94	46.84	0.10
Total Body Water %	60.18	60.06	0.12
IntraCellular Water (l)	27.07	26.40	0.67
IntraCellular Water %	57.68	56.36	1.32
ExtraCellular Water (l)	19.87	20.44	-0.57
ExtraCellular Water %	42.32	43.64	-1.32
Optimal Health indicators
Phase Angle	6.39	6	0.39
% of Avg. Phase Angle	88.72	83.28	5.44
ATM Quality Index	0.81	0.76	0.05
Cellular Fluid Balance	14.85	21.27	-6.42
Patient Age	33	32	1
Biomarker Index	30.84	30.69	0.15
Fat Distribution Index	Normal	Normal
Fat Muscle Ratio	0.33	0.34	-0.01
Basal Metabolic Rate	1885.20	1892	6.8

And the most amazing thing is that I had a birthday during the last two months and my biometric age has only increased by 0.15 of a year (It should have gone up a whole year because of the birthday, so I have effectively decreased my age by 0.85 of a year in the space of 2 months!)

The levels of histamines in my blood has decreased dramatically, last time there was hardly a screen that didn’t have any of the little cells pushing out histamines and this time Jeremy had to search around for quite some time before he could find one - and it wasn’t active, it was just minding it’s own business. Also the shape of my blood cells was significantly improved, pretty much all of them looked nice and round and plump. All in all, my blood looked healthy healthy healthy!

I have also started to convert fat to muscle, my weight hasn’t changed, but I have 700grams more muscle than I did before. This should continue while I put on some weight, so the process of filling out my frame has started already. I’m really pleased with that idea, it will be great to get off 78kg after all these years.

So I have decided that this was a brilliant idea and I will continue to take The Pills at the same rate as I have been taking them. Who knows, in two months time I might be 28 again!

I went to a Naturopath today, in an effort to find out 1) if I really have a gluten allergy 2) what vitamins/minerals I might actually be deficient in and 3) what I can do to make my body healthier.

So, off I went to see Jeremy Hill at Essential Health.

Here are the results:

Body Composition
Ideal Weight (kg)	88.64
Weight (kg)	78
Skeletal Tissue (kg)	10.64
Ideal ECW (l)	17.73
Frame Size	Medium
Body Mass Index	20.51
Fat Mass
Fat (kg)	12.02
Ideal Fat Mass (kg)	15.95
% of Total Weight	15.41
% OF Ideal Fat Mass	75.35
Difference from Ideal (kg)	-3.93
Active Tissue Mass
ATM (kg)	35.87
Ideal ATM (kg)	44.32
% of Total Weight	45.99
% of Ideal ATM	75.35
Difference from Ideal (kg)	-8.45
Fluid Balance
Total Body Water (l)	46.84
Total Body Water %	60.06
IntraCellular Water (l)	26.40
IntraCellular Water %	56.36
ExtraCellular Water (l)	20.44
ExtraCellular Water %	43.64
Optimal Health indicators
Phase Angle	6
% of Avg. Phase Angle	83.28
ATM Quality Index	0.76
Cellular Fluid Balance	21.27
Patient Age	32
Biomarker Index	30.69
Fat Distribution Index	Normal
Fat Muscle Ratio	0.34
Basal Metabolic Rate	1892

So I’m pretty skinny (low fat), kinda scrawny (low ATM), youngish and well watered. All in all, roughly where I thought I would be. Although having to put on ~4kg of fat was surprise.

I also have a heart beat, 54 bpm, and blood that is 97% oxygenated. Which is really good.

I guess I am not a Vampire after all :(

The purpose of life is growth.

Without growth there is no life, there is only existence.

My true purpose in life is to continue to grow, to continue to improve, to realise that where I am now can easily be changed by accepting it, understanding it, learning from it and then moving past it - growing in another direction using the knowledge gained from this experience.

There must be evaluation, acceptance, understanding and learning for growth and happiness to exist.

Happiness is growth.

Growth is happiness.

I read an article about the physical effects of stress on the human body and it seems reasonably believable. I have long held the belief that my Asthma is largely in my head and when I forget to “have” Asthma it seems to go away. That is, until someone reminds me, be it a verbal or mental cue.

For instance, when I cross the threshold of my mother’s house I used to always get some kind of breathing problems. I used to think that it was because of the way she keeps house but on reflection there are times when I haven’t touched anything - not picked up a cat, not wiped my eyes after moving a chair, nothing - and still, like clockwork, my lungs fill with gunk and I need a little puff on the reliever.

The idea of my mind being tied to my brain being tied to my body is not a new one. I’m not sure how, exactly, they became separated but it seems to me that common sense rarely makes an appearance when groups don’t talk to each other. Perhaps it made early discoveries easier in the beginnings of understanding how we work, either way I had a topic to discuss.

So in the case of my Asthma there is some history that bears relevance:

• I have had Asthma since I was born
• As a child I remember having the occasional hospitalisation due to Asthma attacks, which became less frequent as I grew older
• I have preventative medicine which I take at such low doses the doctor who proscribed it was of two minds as to whether it was needed or not
• I carry the reliever in my car and have one in the bathroom

But when I think back on the times that I remember having difficulty breathing, they seem to coincide with the onset of anxiety. The above mentioned facts can also be explained through brain washing. Over time the continual repetition that, “I have Asthma” and am therefore restricted in my abilities becomes it’s own self-fulfilling prophesy.

I mean, I remember one time I was playing a game of basketball and the period when I usually required the Ventolin pump was rapidly approaching and I went to mum to get it (on the side lines) and she wouldn”t give it me (I later found out that a bunch of other mothers had coaxed her to not give it me). I remember the look I gave her and then gruginly continued to play the game. I swapped positions with a team mate to let him take the bounce at the start of the second half and he managed to push it my way. Well, I went after the ball with gusto and it just happened that the bounce was in the direction of the other team’s goal, so, without thinking of anything else, I chased the ball up.

I suddenly realised, with shock, that I was level with the backboard (it was the adult height, not the kids one) and my eyes were level with the ring. I was so high up that the ring was flat! I let go of the ball (I think it went in, actually) and prepared to land. When I looked up from the landing my whole team was gob-smacked, so was the other team and so was the crowd. I couldn’t believe it!

It was definitely a freak incident. Something that was a one off, but what if it wasn’t. What if I could do that all the time and that all I had to do was not believe the it’s okay to fail, so why don’t you mentality. This is the kind of thinking that is holding me back from doing what I want. Amazing!

So, if this holds true for jumping after balls, breathing with clear lungs and remembering appointments, then there is really nothing in the way of breathing clearly. There is no reason why I need to accept the way I am other than to validate the way that I have been previously which then just supports how I think I should act. The chicken or the egg problem.

I have evolved my own neurosis and manifested it into being because I don’t believe I can act any other way. That’s simply astounding.

It leads back to the idea that the brain is connected to the body and therefore both areas will and can affect each other. If I think I am sick in the right way I will become sick. Which has happened on more than one occasion. There have been times when I have work, work, worked up to a point where I could rest and I had a big rest and WHAM! I got sick. If I expected to forget details, those details would be forgotten. There isn’t a big enough requirement to remember them because it’s something I do.

I wonder what else I have in here (jumbles through his brain) that operates like that. HA! Touch typing. I am doing it now, but not so well. Earlier, when I was on a roll I wasn”t making anywhere near as many mistakes, but now it’s about every third word. Because I can’t touch type is a phrase that I have mentioned many times to myself and others, yet there are times when I can and only when I suddenly realise what I am doing do I start with the glances at the keys, the typing mistakes etc. [I'm doing it now!]

Recently Written

• The Invisible Cages of Belief
• Naturopath Visit #4
• Off to Paris
• Naturopath Visit #3
• January 1999 flashback
• I’m sick of this crap
• Old Diary - Dec 1998
• How the Money System works
• Naturopath Visit #2
• I’m on the Hug Program

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