Mar

27

January 1999 flashback

Filed Under Growing Up, Old Diary | Leave a Comment

I have put up the final month of my old, original blog from back in the day.

It’s a little scary to think that I can almost remember those days after reading through the diary again, but I suppose that is the whole idea of a diary. If only I had realised how well it worked I might have continued further with it.

I remember having most of the “actors” in it reading it at the time, occasionally commenting here and there on following days. The site was nothing like this one though, where there are sign ups, comments, tracking and all that jazz. This is a much more polished package.

Anyway, it was fun reliving the past and now that it’s back out there I hope to continue to add articles to this blog. On a more regular basis than I have been, but not daily, that might be too much for the world to handle.

Here’s the link to the January 1999 archives. Enjoy!

Mar

20

I’m sick of this crap

Filed Under Growing Up, Self Discovery, Sociology | Leave a Comment

After spending a reasonable amount of time trying to express how I feel about something I was unable to come up with The Right Sentence.  And while reading the response to the wrong sentence, it occurred to me that:

  1. It is difficult enough to make an I statement about myself, but it is impossible to make one about someone else.
  2. We are all at varying degrees of development the myriad of different facets of ourselves. Adulthood is a label conferred by others to allow them to treat you as they wish so that they might continue to believe that they themselves are adults.

In all of the challenges I face while continuing to remain alive - having to deal with other people is the hardest and most common point where I come unstuck. Why the hell do you people do those things and what’s wrong with doing it my way, really?

I admit that it would be better if we all just got along, but who really gets to decide what’s best for all of us? And until they can explain themselves in perfect Ben-language, how do I know that they know what they are asking? If communication is a two way street then not being understood means that I can’t possibly understand. Where do you go from there?

Feb

24

Old Diary - Dec 1998

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I recently found my old online diary from way back in 1998. Do you remember 1998? I don’t. Not particularly anyway. Good thing I wrote down my day to day life in an electronic format that I can now reproduce here for your entertainment/morbid curiosity.

I have finished putting up the December content. There are some links and references that won’t make sense that I have left in for archival purposes (i.e. I don’t want to start adding things to the entries 10 years later, seems a little dishonest)

It is interesting to me to see how I have or have not changed in the way that I talk and think about what is happening to me at the time. In some areas I feel like I was having more fun than I am now, but at this moment in my life I feel like I have more direction. And that’s a little scary as the direction has only really started in the last few months.

Still, better to have started doing something now than to wait another 10 years thinking that everything is going well. Having said that, it can be argued that I am only at this point in my life because of the path that I travelled to get here. It’s that kind of thinking that makes me see how it took so long to get motivated.

Sep

14

Resistance is futile

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When are you happiest memories?

The majority of people would say, “When I was a kid!” or “Back in the Old Days, when things were good.” And what is the primary objective of childhood? Growth. What is the harbinger of the end of childhood? Adulthood.

In other words, celebrate! The learning period is over! You no longer need to grow! Your knowledge of the world is enough that you will be able to live like the rest of us! Welcome to the ranks of Adulthood - Where you’ll be too busy worrying about dying to think about living.

The last time I remember being fantastically happy was when I was learning a language. It was amazing, nothing was too much trouble. I made changes to my work regime, I changed my spending habits so I could afford to go to class, I fantasised about travelling to the country in which the language was spoken. It was a blast. Until I started telling people about it.

You get the idea. I bet you could even add some to the list that you are thinking right now! If you’re an adult, chances are you have Adult Thinking Technology. It’s what you get when you are exposed to masses of adults who already have ATT. It’s the worrying. It’s the Competing with the Jones. It’s the continual focus on the financial difficulties of living as an adult. It’s believing that the world is actually like the TV news - that thieves and brigands are waiting just around the corner with a picture of you in their pocket and it’s only a matter of time before they find you.

It’s how we kill our children. Somewhere along the line something happens in all of us, something sinister. We start to force children to change into adults. Santa-Claus isn’t real. The Tooth Faerie is really your mother. Life is serious, stop fooling around and pay attention in school. You don’t want to be like uncle Jeff do you? And the clincher, - If I had the opportunities you have I could have done so much more with my life. (This last one is just so damn evil in so many ways it defies logic that a loving parent would even contemplate saying it at all) What is happening is that the adults need to convince the children that the growing period is coming to an end. That resistance is futile. That there is no better way.

The reason adults do it is because they themselves don’t want to know that they have given up. The idea that life plateaus in adulthood is comforting. It’s nice to know that you can take it easy. That your situation is not your fault. Those people who keep succeeding; they’re just trouble makers, they never grew up like we did, they are only able to do it because they had rich parents, went to the right schools or were just lucky in life. What a load of tripe! Life is hard because adults make it so. They create situations for themselves that very neatly fit into their perception of reality. More importantly they do it without realising it, without wanting to know they are doing it, and consequently they congregate. Little groups are formed, they grow and before you know it, you have an entire community ready and willing to accept and convert new arrivals. Can anyone say: Caste System, Socio-economic grouping,  Target Audience.

It works for the successful ones too. There are all kinds of ways to work within your own limits, just think of your best friend. But whatever you do, don’t think about yourself.

Those of us with ATT have just shut off.

It’s ok, they might join us later, then again… they might not.